Inspiration for a friend

I was one of the lucky individuals who met Leah in the younger years of life. I am so thankful that Leah Jean Lacher Reay was one of my best friends through high school and early adulthood. I honestly do not know where I would be in this life if my path had not crossed with Miss Leah Jean. Leah was a sunshine human. She walked with light in her soul and had glitter eye shadow to match. On the other hand, I had a very different vibe covered in black and teenage angst. The fearless Leah we all know and love approached me and my life was forever changed. Leah always saw through the dark eye shadow and hard exterior. I now know that Leah saw me deeper than I saw myself at the time. She pushed me to understand I am worth more in this life than I had believed. We became such close friends and I will cherish these years forever. Everyone always joked about how we did not match. I went from ditching pep rallies to sitting in the front row cheering on our favorite cheerleader.

Not as well-known is that Leah struggled with learning disabilities. Leah never let any of these obstacles or challenges hold her back. This fact blew my mind because I also struggled with learning disabilities and always felt “not good enough or not smart enough”. Leah proved by example that even though something may be difficult it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Leah did not let her diagnosis hold her back and excelled in education. Not only did she have the motivation to excel in her own life, but she also motivated others around her. Leah always knew she wanted to be a Registered Nurse and with her passion, she helped me decide to take the same career path. I was a year younger than Leah and always one step behind her academically leading me to follow her example. Leah and I both ended up becoming RNs. Leah went to Kansas Wesleyan University getting her BSN right away like the hard-working responsible young lady we know and love. I often think of the day Leah asked me to go to Kansas with her. I was young and “in love” and couldn’t possibly leave California at the time.

Every fiber of my being now wishes I would have gone with her to Kansas and been able to share those special and little did we know at the time fleeting years she has on this earth with us. Instead, I went an alternative route going from associates of nursing from a community college to later getting my BSN online with my son by my side every step of the way. I am forever grateful for the memories of Leah coming from KS to spend some of the newborn days with me. Leah took my baby from my arms and said, “Go to get some sleep Momma I got him”. Looking back as my 32-year-old self, it's amazing how much Leah understood the hardships of early motherhood at such a young age. She truly was wiser than her years. Sadly, Leah was taken from us before she would even see me start nursing school, let alone graduate. So many times through nursing school I wished I could call Leah and pick her exceptional brain. Even though years have passed since Leah’s death my heart still forever sinks for the great human, daughter, wife, friend, and nurse this world has lost.

Leah’s passing was and still is a complex death that affected me more than I can even comprehend. As nurses, we are in a way taught to compartmentalize and rationalize death. Leah’s death is a death I cannot use these coping mechanisms with. It is pain that has never fully healed, and I don’t believe will. Leah now fuels my motivation and drive. If Leah isn’t here to do it, then I will. I refuse to live my life like I once did. I no longer fear failure which would keep me from even trying. Now I try to push myself in all aspects of life. I work hard to excel in work and am now contemplating Nurse Practitioner school. I compete in Olympic Weightlifting and train 5 times a week. I am the mother of two beautiful children with a lovely husband to match. I am so thankful for every aspect of life. I get to work a job where I impact life daily. I get to move my own body and push myself physically in fitness. I get to love my family. I will always strive for a better tomorrow and while Leah is not here physically, I know she is with me cheering me on every step of the way.

I am forever thankful for Leah seeing whatever she saw in me way back then. I am so thankful to her and her family for loving me the way they have for all these years. If all I do in this life is live a little more like Leah did, then I am so proud of what I have put out into the world in this lifetime. Thank you, Leah Jean, for being a sunshine human and spreading that energy so far in the small amount of time you walked this Earth. Thank you for sharing so many special moments with me.